the last time

i've lost some remorse, but still got sorrow. today i found out what i fear the most, what makes me unwilling. words. speechless but aware i long for the end of my doubt. affected and injured by society i do my best, at all times not to be a part of the conversation. more for them, not ever more for me.
when im next to you, i so wonder if you wonder. it hurt's that inside i know you do.
observe me, my complete silence when you put me up against the wall, forced to make a statement. a statement about what? im not okey, it's not okey. it will never be okey. i belive it to be a secret i can keep, except when im tired and except when im being caught off guard. can't you see? im not breaking any law.

periodically there's no rescue, i've realized the meaning of suffer for some time. life choosed me to be a carrier, long ago. don't get me wrong, i am not forgetting there i was exactly like you once. i know im no longer worthy. but I didn't choose this life, I really didn't. so please, if you think of me in that way, don't think of me at all.